| The episode opens... | |
| Xing Xing | [Speaking in non-English language] |
|---|---|
| Argost | English, please. We must learn the language of television. |
| Xing Xing | Where have you been? |
| Argost | Out collecting souvenirs from the local tourists? |
| Xing Xing | You cannot keep attacking the humans, my friend. They will come after you. |
| Argost | Certainly, but I doubt they'll be able to find me once I'm walking among them. |
| Argost | I assure you my design will work. I've been very thorough in my testing. |
| Baron Finster | And your price, Mr... |
| Argost | V.V. Argost. And all I ask is a small amount of funding for a dream. My very own television show. |
| Baron Finster | A television show? Well, most of the lunatics who come to me have grand designs to conquer all of humanity. You're aiming low. |
| Argost | Have you ever wondered how many millions of reptiles, insects and other delightful monsters there are for every human on this planet conquering humanity? A tiny millionth of this world's population? My dear Baron Finster, that would be aiming low. |
| Civilian | Hey, inside. That's V.V. Argost! |
| Civilian | I think we're gonna be on Weird World. |
| Argost | Weird World? You poor unimaginative tragedies. You haven't begun to see weird! Nyah! |
| [Intro Plays] | |
| Argost | Greetings and bienvenue humanity, as the news-people are no doubt informing you in breathless tones. At this very moment, armies of Cryptids are descending on every major world capital. This may seem frightening, but I assure you they are very much under control. My control. If humankind wishes to survive this day, it must take its place with the rest of nature at the feet of V.V. Argost. I wish I could see it all in person, but who could resist invading the United States capital? I do have such a weakness for the classic monster cliches... |
| Zak | Yeah, I knew that about you. |
| Argost | That... was my... moment! |
| Zak | Get airborne! This is it! Go! |
| Doyle | Get these things off me! I want Argost! |
| Drew | I've got 'em! |
| Drew | [Screaming] |
| Doc | Don't get reckless, Drew. We're all in the same fight. |
| Drew | No, we're not. |
| Argost | You're fighting a sideshow and missing the circus, boy. This is one insignificant battle in a global war! |
| Zak | Yeah. And did you really think you were the only one with an army? |
| Argost | [Screaming] |
| Zak | You can feel it, can't you? You know you're losing. |
| Zak | Doyle! |
| Argost | Oh. |
| Drew | Don't move. |
| Argost | Bonne dramatage, madame. I never knew you were capable of such theatrics. |
| Drew | You don't want to know what I'm capable of right now, Argost. |
| Drew | Twenty-seven years ago, in the Himalayas, something attacked my family. Took my parents, our parents, away from us forever. |
| Doyle | It was you, Argost, and I want to hear you admit it! |
| Argost | [Chuckles] Did I? Oh, there were so many in those days, one can hardly remember each individual scream. |
| Zak | Mom, no! You guys can't do this! |
| Doyle | Don't get into this! |
| Drew | You know better than any of us what he's doing right now, Zak. The whole world needs him stopped! |
| Zak | I know, but... I also know it's not about the whole world for you guys right now. I've been fighting my own darkness too long to let you give in to yours. |
| Zak | There has to be a better way. |
| Doyle | Yeah? Like what? |
| Zak | I don't know, but... |
| Drew | Zak! |
| Doc | That music. It's from- |
| Beeman | The Flute of Gilgamesh. |
| Beeman | I took an audio sample back in India. I wasn't sure I'd be able to weaponize it, but hey, it turns out I'm pretty smart. |
| Drew | Doyle, Van Rook, focus fire on that sonic weapon. Gilgamesh's flute music is deadly to both of them. |
| Zak | [Screaming] |
| Argost | [Screaming] |
| [Act 2] | |
| Zak | [Screaming] |
| Argost | [Screaming] |
| Drew | They're already losing their powers, they can't take much more. |
| Miranda | They're already incapacitated. Shut it off. |
| Beeman | I'm not giving them a fatal dose. It's hurty, not deadly. |
| Miranda | How can you know that? It's an untested weapon. |
| Beeman | I'm a scientist. I'm giving it my best estimate. |
| Miranda | I'm sorry, Arthur, but I'm not sure I like what we've all become. |
| Beeman | Noted. I'll let my feelings know they should be hurt. |
| Doc | Doyle, the weapon! |
| Drew | No! |
| Drew | Give me your jet pack. |
| Drew | Hurry! I'll pay for it! |
| Van Rook | You always did know the way to a man's heart. |
| Doc | Drew! |
| Doc | He needs us right now. Anything else can wait. |
| Drew | Ah! It's all right, sweetie. We've got you. Mom's got you. It's all gonna be okay. |
| Doc | We'll catch him, I promise. |
| Zak | We're still good. Argost's Cryptid army is- No! Do not touch the Cheroo face! Because they'll burn you on contact, that's why. |
| Fiskerton | [Garbled] |
| Zak | Uh, sorry. Groot slings are kind of stubborn. I didn't mean to freak anybody out. |
| Doyle | You're talking to Cryptids on the other side of the world with your brain. I got over freaked out months ago. |
| Fiskerton | [Garbled] |
| Zak | Whoa. |
| Zak | I'm okay. Just tired. |
| Zak | Still not used to this much power. But the good news is Argost is doing worse. His Cryptids are losing strength, even pulling back in some battles. Beeman's flute weapon must have hurt him more than we thought. If we go after him now, we may be able to stop this whole war. |
| Drew | I'm in. |
| Fiskerton | [Garbled] |
| Komodo | [Hissing] |
| Zak | The check's still clear, even if you don't make it back? Okay, count me in. |
| Doc | I'm with you to the end, Zak. But how are we supposed to find Argost? |
| Zak | I've got some guys on it. |
| Rani Naga | The great V.V. Argost gives up so soon? |
| Argost | Rani Nagi... and friends, come to volunteer? |
| Rani Naga | Don't insult me with your powers, Argost. The boy couldn't control me, and neither can you. Now answer the question. |
| Argost | Am I giving up? Turning tail, as it were? Madam, you wound me. I am merely regrouping. The boy's counter-attack was stronger than I'd planned. |
| Rani Naga | No! Your attack was weaker than it should have been. For months, the Nagas have wasted our time on a boy who could never truly be Kur. But you Argost. You are the Kur who can be Kur. The one true Lur, not mankind's ruler, but its end. |
| Argost | I- I've planned for decades. They are going to kneel before me. |
| Rani Naga | If you let them kneel today, tomorrow. They will rise and strike you down. The kingdom of Kur will never be built until the empire of man is wiped from history. Embrace this destiny, my master. |
| Naga #1 | Master. |
| Argost | [Laughing] |
| Zak | Hold on, Komodo. Just another minute and we'll be ready to move in. |
| Doc | It's not a we this time, Zak. You're sitting this one out. |
| Zak | What? But I'm the one who knew he was here. I'm- I'm Kur. |
| Drew | And that's exactly why you're staying in the airship. Argost has Beeman's flute weapon. The one thing we know can destroy you. |
| Zak | What if he's got more Cryptids in there? You need me to-- |
| Doyle | Whoa, hey! |
| Doc | Zak? |
| Fiskerton | [Garbled] |
| Zak | Argost! Something's happening. |
| Zak | They're not trying to fight anymore. |
| Zak | They want... a massacre. |
| Civilian | [Screaming] |
| Civilian | Huh? |
| Civilian | [Screaming] |
| Zak | So much rage! It hurts! Aah! |
| Drew | Zak! |
| Doc | Fiskerton, stay with him. Everyone else, we're going in. Now. |
| Doc | Keep it tight and stay with the group. You all know what this place can do to you. |
| Doyle | Ah, crud. |
| Drew | Everybody get... |
| Zak | Nagas! |
| Doc | I've never seen them fight like this. They're in a total frenzy! |
| Rani Naga | They can taste the elimination of your species. We have found the one true Kur in V.V. Argost, and his majesty will devour this world. |
| Zak | This world's already got a Kur! |
| Argost | Enough! This is my home. Please mind the decor. |
| Argost | I come to offer a truce. All I want is my young Kurling. If the boy comes with me, everyone else goes free and the war of the Cryptids will be halted- immediately. |
| Drew | Argost. Shut your bloodthirsty, lying mouth! |
| Rani Naga | There will be no truce! |
| Van Rook | [Screaming] |
| Doyle | Van Rook! |
| Drew | No! |
| Van Rook | You see, this is why you never volunteer for anything. |
| Drew | Leonidas, just stay with me. |
| Van Rook | Ah, Drew. You were the only thing I liked almost as much as money. |
| Drew | Leonidas. Leonidas, you stay with me! |
| Zak | Let's go. |
| Doc | No! |
| Fiskerton | [Garbled] |
| Drew | Zak! |
| [Act 3] | |
| Zak | So what? Now we fight one-on-one? Kur versus Kur? Or anti-Kur? Whatever you are. |
| Argost | Tempting, but having seen your full power in action, I must answer. No, thank you. Did you honestly think this would be some climactic exercise in chest puffing machismo? |
| Argost | Dear boy, you've been watching far too much television. |
| Zak | Ah! |
| Argost | So much more sensible just to steal that power from your lifeless husk. Good night, young Saturday. |
| Zak | [Screaming] |
| Argost | Sorry, soundproof and impervious, but please keep struggling. I need some amusement in the midst of so much tragedy. |
| Zak | [Screaming] |
| Argost | The power transfer worked so well with your anti-matter doppelganger, the Monday boy. I hope you'll forgive an old showman his need for an encore. |
| Argost | Now open up and say, "ah!" |
| Zak | Aah! |
| Argost | What on your pity, the effect of soundproofing. I did hope to hear your final pleas for mercy. |
| Zak | I don't need your mercy, Argost. I finally know how to end this. All of it. |
| Zak | Your whole life, all you've known is taking and stealing and grabbing for power. You'll never understand what Van Rook did. Giving it all up to save the people you love. |
| Argost | I can't hear you. You'll have to grovel louder, child! |
| Zak | Oh, yeah. And you never were a very good scientist. You know why the world went crazy every time Zak Monday and I got too close? Matter and anti-matter don't play well together. |
| Zak | Have fun learning that lesson... |
| Argost | Yes! Yes! Greetings and bienvenue, world! Have I got a show to put on for you?! |
| Argost | [Screaming maniacally] |
| Argost | [Screaming] |
| Munya | [Grunting |
| Doc | Zak! |
| Drew | No! No, no, no, no, no, Zak. Zak! Doc, I'm not getting a response. Zak! Baby boy, please. Please... |
| Zak | [Coughing] Huh? Mom? Dad? What just happened? |
| Drew | Sweetie you- you just. |
| Doyle | We lost you for about 3 minutes there. And if your mom and dad hadn't gotten to you when they did, it would have been a lot longer than that. |
| Fiskerton | [Garbled] |
| Zak | Fisk! Come on. |
| Doyle | Nice job, mini-man. |
| Doc | All right, Fiskerton. |
| Drew | Hey, rough day. Easy, okay? |
| Zak | I can't believe it. I mean, I knew Argost was gonna try to use the flute music, but- I didn't expect to survive it. |
| Doc | I told you you'd make a great Kur. |
| Zak | Yeah, but... wait. If I was gone for three minutes, does that mean... |
| Fiskerton | [Garbled "What's up?"] |
| Zak | The Kur power! It's gone! For good! Guys, I think we just saved the world! |
| Fiskerton | [Garbled] |
| Zak | Do we actually get to tell anybody about this one? |
| Reporter | The emerging scientific consensus is that growing climate change forced these exotic animals out of their natural habitats. Although the role of missing weird world host V.V. Argost remains unclear, but not even the brightest minds can explain why the dangerous predators just as suddenly went back to the wild. A freak chance of nature, a moment of regret for leaving the anonymous safety of their own homes. For as we saw in Washington, DC, does the world owe a debt to some unknown, unsung heroes? |
| Doyle | Two is plenty. |
| [Credits Play] |