secretsaturdays
The episode opens...
Van Rook What kind of Cartwright prison are you running? The food's lousy, the bed's lumpy, and these sandals hurt my feet.
Van Rook You see this? That's right. American money. All yours if you get me a better pillow - I like the Swedish memory foam.
Van Rook Okay, two pennies. Final offer.
Van Rook Huh?
Van Rook Get them. It's your job to protect me.
Van Rook Now the other problem with this place? Security stinks.
Argost Ah, Van Rook. Love the new look. Prison chic. I sense a future in couture.
Van Rook I take it since you rescued me, I still have a future in the mercenary business first.
Argost How astute. I do indeed have a new job for you, Leonidas. And a new apprentice.
Argost It's a very big job.
[Intro Plays]
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak Whoa!
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Doc Weaponless against an enemy you can't influence with your powers. What are you gonna do now?
Zak Improvise?
Doc Me too.
Doc He's not done yet, Fiskerton.
Zak What? You said five times on the training course, and then I was done for the day.
Doc It only counts if you beat Helmethead. You're still at four.
Zak Are you serious? But Fisk's been all afternoon building this huge Fiskartrike ramp down by the bluffs. It's supposed to be... not dangerous at all.
Doc You know what's at stake here, Zak. Argost has already opened Kur's tomb. If that leads him to Kur itself, we could be facing an entire army of Cryptids under Argost's control. Your power may be the only thing that can stop Kur. That makes you a target, and I will do anything I have to do to make sure you're safe.
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak Uh, sure. I guess if it's too important to wait for me, then...
Beeman You want me to bring you the Saturday monkey? Okay, I owe you. But let's make a bargain. I'll do the job myself for my regular fee, plus, say, half of what you're paying... that.
Piecemeal I work... for the Fiskerton Phantom's... flesh.
Van Rook You paid this one in meat? How did you pull that off?
Argost Piecemeal has unfinished business with our quarry, but no snacking till I'm done with my prize.
Argost Lovely, isn't he? You can't buy that predator's instinct.
Van Rook ...Yes, lovely. But I never worked with children or animals. I'm out.
Argost Disappointing. But you heard the gentleman, Munya. He's out.
Van Rook Okay, I'm in!
Van Rook ...So when do we attack?
Argost Always straight to the violence... Dear man. Why assault them when they'll be happy to come to us?
Reporter The tiny Swiss town has been evacuated after these strange jets of flame burst from the lake. Officials claim the culprit is a ruptured natural gas deposit, but locals disagree. They say there's something else down there, something alive.
Doc The Buratsche-al-Ilgs?
Drew The story just tripped our news tracker. I thought you'd be interested enough to interrupt combat training.
Zak Okay, is this what I have to look forward to when I fall in love? Getting romantic over ruptured gas?
Drew The Buratsche-al-Ilgs is a Swiss Cryptid, Zak, supposed to look like a glob of human tissue surrounded by flame-shooting eyes.
Doc Your mother and I tracked it all through the Alps for our honeymoon.
Zak So what? It came back?
Drew Well, we never found it. Got close a few times, but no actual sighting.
Zak ...Wait. You never found it? Then it's like you never finished your honeymoon. We should drop everything and go looking for it right now while we still know where it is.
Drew It's a good idea, Doc. Aside from the romance. I'm sure that town could use our help.
Doc What? And miss the rest of our training?
Zak It's a sacrifice, but... sometimes it hurts to do the right thing.
Zak Okay, ghost towns? Best places ever.
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Drew People do live here, boys, and I'm sure they'd like to come home as soon as it's safe.
Doc That's where we come in.
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak Don't ask. Trust me.
Zak If there's nothing here, I don't have to go back to training, do I?
Drew Wow, that is a lot less romantic in person.
Doc Yeah.
Doc Fan out! Divide the attention of those eyes.
Zak Got it!
Drew It's keeping pace! Zak, try your powers!
Zak Huh? Whoa!
Doc Zak, pay attention!
Zak I am! It's just... that thing's not a Cryptid!
Drew Are you sure? Maybe it's just too strong for your powers.
Zak No, it's just nothing!
Doc It's something.
Zak Whoa.
Drew Mechanical?
Doc Why would anyone build a fake Cryptid?
Van Rook Because half of fishing is using the right baits.
Van Rook Now for the other half.
[Act 2]
Van Rook Beautiful town, Drew. This could have been our honeymoon.
Drew Hmm. Thanks for the perspective. Suddenly a giant stomach with 100 eyes doesn't seem quite so disgusting.
Zak Whoa, Mom, you almost married Van Rook?
Drew No, no, no, I didn't. Almost. We we dated a few times in college. I-I didn't know he was. We are not talking about this right now.
Zak Well, can we talk about why Van Rook and Piecemeal are working together? Is that not weird to anybody else?
Doc It's Argost. He's the only one who would have brought these two maniacs together.
Van Rook Of course. That's the easy part. The question that must be driving you nuts is...
Van Rook ...Why?
Zak We can take these guys, Dad. Why don't we just stay and fight?
Doc Until we know what Argost's move is, all I care about is keeping you safe!
Zak Fisk!
Drew Zak, wait!
Doc No!
Van Rook Are you really going to make it this easy?
Zak All right, that's one down. Come on, let's go help Mom and Dad with--
Zak The fake Cryptid, it's still working!
Van Rook Sorry. Nobody leaves the party till Argost gets his goodie bag.
Zak Mom! Dad!
Doc Just get to the airship. We'll hold them off and catch up.
Zak But this doesn't make sense. I know why Argost would be after me, but Piecemeal? He eats Cryptids!
Doc I don't care about Cryptids right now!
Doc Fiskerton, I'm trusting you to protect Zak. Whatever it takes, you have to get him to safety.
Zak I don't need a babysitter.
Zak Whoa.
Doc Run!
Piecemeal Appetizers!
Van Rook Everything you do disgusts me. Oh!
Zak Ohh Hey, let me... Just listen to me! We have to go back and help them.
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak I know what they said, but I don't have to be protected all the time.
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak What? You think I like being treated like this? Some secret weapon everyone has to keep safe?
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak Then maybe you should try it for once! See what it feels like to have mom and dad thinking everybody's coming after you!
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Argost Matter of change of plans. Get the boy onto the train.
Van Rook The boy? How did you... Are you spying on me?
Argost Hurry until you stop disappointing me.
Doc I told you to protect Zak! You should have been in the airship by now. Why did you stop?
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Drew Doc, the train!
Doc They're taking him out of town!
Drew No. No they're not!
Drew Come on!
Doc I guess the honeymoon's over.
Drew We're too late!
Doc Not yet. Komodo, open up.
Doc Zon, I need you to fly Komodo onto the train!
Doc Just do it! For Zak.
Doc Ready to hit the slopes?
Drew Oh, I'm ready to hit a lot of things.
Zak Huh? What are you doing?
Van Rook Waiting for the rest.
Van Rook And now it's a complete set.
Van Rook With the few extra pieces.
Van Rook Keep them here while I deal with this, and keep your slobbering mouth to yourself!
Piecemeal No... promises.
Drew Give us back our son, you maniac!
Van Rook I love it when you talk tough, Drew. Makes me all tingly.
Drew No!
Van Rook Ah! I'm over you, baby!
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak Nice.
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak Come on, let's stop this train!
Zak Uh, Fisk? Why doesn't this engine have any controls?
Doc Drew, that tunnel! We're at Goddard Base!
Drew You got to give me something more than that, Doc.
Doc It's a passage through the Alps, but it's unfinished. That track dead ends in solid rock.
[Act 3]
Zak How do we stop this thing?
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak The break wire. Rip up some of the floor.
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak No, I don't know which one's the break wire. I assume they'd be labeled or something!
Piecemeal No more. Waiting.
Drew She couldn't catch up with them.
Doc Then we'll have to.
Piecemeal Argost doesn't control me.
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Piecemeal I'll eat him now!
Zak A neural parasite? But why would Argost care if Piecemeal ate you?
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak You know that's not how I meant it.
Argost Oh, Piecemeal, the poor, simple-minded creature. Didn't mother ever teach him? You don't bite for Thanksgiving turkey till daddy's done carving.
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak Quit playing games, Argost. You want me? Come get me.
Argost As much as it tempts me to throw away weeks of planning to respond to a schoolyard taunt, here's my counter offer; This train is moments away from a very painful dead end. I would be thrilled to stop it if the Fiskerton Phantom surrenders to me in the next car!
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Argost Washer. I promise the boy will be safe. He's the important one, right?
Zak Don't listen to him, Fisk! It's a trick. We're brothers. We'll get out of this together.
Doc Is anyone receiving? Come in. Is anyone receiving? Come in.
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Doc Fiskerton, is Zak okay?
Zak Fisk, wait, listen. No!
Zak No!
Argost Did you honestly think I'm the type to keep my promises?
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak Fisk!
Argost End of the line!
Zak All right, Fisk, you did it! Now, come on. Let's go before those two...
Zak Fisk?
Zak No!
Zak Fisk, I'm sorry! I take it back! I don't want you to be the target. Fisk, I'm coming!
Fiskerton [Garbled]
Zak Fisk! Fisk!
Drew Zak! Well, Zak, you're all right.
Doc You did it, Zak. We beat Argost. You're safe!
Doc Wait, where's Fiskerton?
Zak He did what you told him to do, Dad.
Zak He protected me.
[Credits Play]
v - e - d Transcripts
Season 1
The Kur Stone:Part One | The Kur Stone:Part Two | The Vengeance of Hibagon | The Ice Caverns of Ellef Ringnes | Guess Who's Going To Be Dinner | The King of Kumari Kandam | Van Rook's Apprentice | Twelve Hundred Degrees Fahrenheit | The Owlman Feeds at Midnight | The Swarm At The Edge Of Space | Eterno | Black Monday | Cryptid vs. Cryptid | The Underworld Bride | Ghost in the Machine | Something in the Water | Target: Fiskerton | Once More the Nightmare Factory | Curse of the Stolen Tiger | The Kur Guardian | Food of the Giants | The Atlas Pin | Paris is Melting | Where Lies the Engulfer | Shadows of Lemuria | Kur Rising
Season 2
Kur:Part One | Kur:Part Two | The Thousand Eyes of Ahuizotl | Into The Mouth of Darkness | The Legion of Garuda | The Return of Tsul 'Kalu | The Unblinking Eye | Life in the Underground | And Your Enemies Closer | War of the Cryptids
Special
T.G.I.S.